Sane Conversations in Troubled Times
Introduction by Rev. Avena Ward
This summer at St. Pauls we pastors participated in a sermon series on the Fruit of the Spirit. These are described by Paul in Galatians 5:22 as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The fact that there are nine fruit fit perfectly into the Sundays between the Fourth of July and Labor day with room for an introduction. The nine fruit also divided up nicely between three pastors so that each of us have been assigned to preach on three fruit.
In working on my sermons – which included Love, Patience and Self-Control – the way we as a church deal with contentious issues has become a focus of reflection. Some of the resolutions passed at General Synod raise the possibility that the works of the flesh – which Paul contrasts to the fruit of the spirit, including enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions ... and things like these -- might and do get triggered among us. In preaching these fruit I found people in my congregation wanting practical help in practicing them.
I shared my concern with a friend, Andra Medea, whose book Conflict Unraveled was given to the CMA Council for summer reading. Andra is an expert in conflict management who offers insights on how to manage conflict in groups as well as in families. This article Andra has written on "flooding" is particularly relevant to my final sermon topic, Self Control. I thought it would be helpful to all of us as we meet with people in our churches and outside who want to engage us on controversial issues.
Sane Conversations
by Andra Medea
We live in difficult times, rife with explosive issues. We face struggles in our churches, our communities, our families and our nation. As a nation we ' ve grown weary of fighting with one another. Many of us look to our churches to teach us a better way.
We don ' t need to solve all the issues in one day. These problems couldn ' t have confounded so many people for so long if they were simple to resolve. The Apostle Paul wrote epistles to churches urging them to learn to struggle respectfully, well and with love. Even in difficult times, followers of Christ are asked to reason together, to give an example of a more excellent way. Being human, we find this difficult with volatile topics.
Fortunately recent brain research has given us information that Paul did not have. Based on that research I suggest there are some easy ways to start.
When ‘hot button' topics hit a conversation, chemistry usurps brainpower. The main culprit is adrenaline. Adrenaline is a drug and an overload can be as blinding as alcohol or crystal meth. The syndrome is called ‘ flooding, ' and certain predictable things happen to the brain:
Tunnel vision rules. Fighting or walking away look like the only options. Options disappear. People may walk out of their home, church or marriage. They may do this even if it harms themselves or others dear to them. They do this not from ill-will, but because they believe they have no choice. A world of choices may surround them, but for that moment their options are invisible.
The situation feels intolerable; things must happen NOW. Flooding drives to extremes. Patience disappears. The lower parts of the brain are inflamed, but those parts can' t do time. Everything becomes now or never, which is bad when you think that ‘now' is a time when people can hardly see straight. In fact, one of the great gifts of religion is to be thwarted, pause, and trust that a better way will be shown to you.
People lose their ability to hear new information: "There's no talking to him when he gets like this. It's like talking to a wall." This person is not ignoring you; flooding disconnects parts of the brain that take in data. This person can' t discuss things with you, because he never heard you in the first place. He'll have to stop flooding before a conversation can happen.
Flooding is contagious. As people around you overreact and lose their ability to reason, you will feel the urge to overreact and lose your own gift of reason.
You must handle your own flooding first, before you can hope to fix anyone else.
Solutions
Flooding is chemical, not character. Flooding does not respond to logic; that part of the brain is disabled. Instead, look to physical solutions. Something as simple as deep breathing can drop adrenaline levels. You can work large muscles in the arms, legs or torso; this releases a counter-agent that can suddenly clear your head and reveal new choices. In a meeting, press your elbows against the arms of your chair or slip your hands under the table and press straight up. You might call for a break so that everyone to get up and move around. A brisk walk around the block can clear the mind and work wonders.
Face-to-face you can pull someone out of a full, inarticulate rant by simply handing them a large, heavy box. The phenomenon is that physical.
Spot symptoms early. Physical symptoms of flooding include: a pressing or pounding feeling in your head, as if a tourniquet is tightening or as if the top of your head will lift off. Your heart will start racing, pounding in your chest. You may feel claustrophobic. You may get inarticulate or become unable to get words out.
Outward symptoms include: Flushed face; light skinned people go red, while dark-skinned people get darker. Speech becomes erratic, with broken or half-formed thoughts.
Mental symptoms include: Thoughts racing in circles: "It's awful, this has to stop, everything's going to pieces, it's just awful." Logic breaks down. Meanwhile, you are likely to be passionately convinced that you ' re entirely right and the other person is entirely wrong.
Laughter drops flooding. You may have been in a meeting headed for disaster, when the tension was suddenly cut by a single good-natured joke. Dry humor works best. Sarcasm is completely off-limits.
Singing counteracts flooding. Try deep, heartfelt songs, sung loudly.
Avoiding unnecessary triggers is an exercise in self control and may control flooding. A sharp, snarling voice will spike adrenaline; media demagogues play off this. A low, resonant voice helps lower adrenaline levels, and brings people back to themselves.
Train yourself in advance. Flooding is a learned behavior, and people become pre-loaded for overloads. This means that the mere mention of a hot topic (Gay marriage! Terrorism! ) can spike adrenaline levels. Yours may have spiked just now. Check: is your heart beating faster? Are you breathing shallow? Do you feel pressure in your head? If so, stop and take a deep breath. Get up and move around. If you can' stand up, press your arms against the sides of your chair until your head clears. You can teach yourself to pull out of this.
Flooding, as you know, is not one of the higher Christian virtues. Nor is it a vice: it 's a chemical response, but i 's a chemical that has the power to control our lives if we let it.
Too many in our communities are flooding too often, and not surprisingly, getting poor results for the effort. Flooding doesn ' t make people agreeable, patient or easy to be around. Flooding people may oppose you just to oppose you, and we don't need more of that. We ourselves may not be agreeable, or the easiest to love. But easy isn't what ' s expected of us. We're asked for a great deal more.
Avena Ward is Associate Pastor at St. Pauls United Church of Christ in Chicago. She can be contacted at award@stpaulsucchicago.org.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
